I've been thinking today (Uh Oh they all say), no really, I have. The subject of today's deep thought is CHANGE. Life around me seems to be changing so fast. I'm already a Junior in High School and they want me to start thinking about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I am personally not really sure at this point. I have a couple of ideas such as music and politics, but I don't know for sure on anything.
It seems weird though because when I started High School two and a half years ago this stuff was nowhere near my mind. I was worried about the fact that I didn't seem to have any friends and I didn't fit in at all. Now I seem to have quite a few decently good friends and the majority of people I know will at least talk to and get along with me. Changes like this aren't bad at all. It just seems like it all happened overnight and tomorrow it will be gone and my life will be in a totally different place.
Speaking of friendships and change, have you ever noticed the way that your friendships seem to constantly change? For the first ten to twelve years of my life I didn't really have a "good friend" my own age who I got along with and was my friend. I had my siblings who I wouldn't trade for the world, but not another guy my age I could really relate to. I guess what I really wanted was the type of friendship that you read about in books, or at least I read about in books. When I was I think about thirteen I met that good friend that I had always wanted and prayed for. For the next couple of years things seemed to go along great. We got along relatively well with each others siblings and we even all played together quite a bit.
That changed though. As we both started to go to different schools we started to grow apart to an extent. Although there was never really one defining moment of separation we did end up getting in several fights over the years. I didn't want things to change because my philosophy had somehow ended up being if we are friends now then we need to be friends for life. I guess that is just more of the book reading part of me again, but the changes really did hurt.
Gradually things continued to grow apart, and today even though I still wouldn't mind being good friends it just doesn't seem to happen. It's not like we dislike each other, but we really don't seem to be the I can share my heart with you kind of friends anymore.
Over the last couple of years I have made some other good friends. Some of them are mainly my friends and some of them are friends that I share as it where with my siblings. The relationships are always changing though. While I realize that not all change is bad, the change that hurts usually tends to be in the back of your mind. Relationships will change over the years and some will end while others will strengthen and grow. I do wish that things didn't have to change, that I didn't have to keep doing new and sometimes painful things, but where would I be if nothing ever changed in my life.
I would never be the person God has destined for me to be if it wasn't for the changes in my life. I have also started to develop new friendships with many different kinds of people and I think that I can give and take something different in each of them. Yes change is painful, and sometimes it seems unnecessary, but God is in control ultimately and we can trust that he will work things out in the end. I am glad for the path that my life has taken and for the experiences I have had. Some of them may even lead to that whole career thing.
God you are in control and I trust you totally.
Sorry if not all of this makes great sense, but sometimes you just need to "vent" as my family calls it and get things off your chest.
P.S. to all my friends, don't think that I think any less of you, each and every person that God has put in my life is important to me.